Shmoo!!! =]

continuation..

Keavin didn't call me since i got home from the province..
i knew something was up..
i had a feeling Joanna and him were together already..
anyway, Karla's birthday..
stayed at a hotel with her..
me, Karla, Aly, Elaine, Joanna, Chengly..
Joanna was avoiding Chengly the whole time..
why would she do that?
then Joanna had to go home..
she wasn't allowed to sleepover at the hotel..
anyway, Chengly and i stayed up all night..
seriously..
everyone else was asleep..
and the two of us were just talking..
but 5am came..
and we slept for a bit..
on one pillow..
not beside each other! i know better than that!
more like heads beside each other..
each taking the opposite side..
then we woke up..
and then stuff and shit happened..
then Aly kept on asking him what was that secret..
and he kept on looking at me..
and i already knew..
more like guessed..
they were "together"
and he said yeah..
why did they deny it?
so fucking annoying..
that's like lying to me..
after that..
i was just.. sad..
didn't talk much..
just trying my best not to cry my eyes out there..
and before i left he hugged me..
he's sweet and all..
but he hurt me.. badly..
and Joanna? my so-called "friend".. i dunno..
i'm kinda pissed with her.. but i can't start a fight just because of a guy..
so yeah..
we may have gotten along well..
but maybe too well..
i guess i'm nothing but a sister to him..
whatever..
kill me now please..
God hates me..
misery loves me..
and love isn't much of a friend..
so yeah.. kill me..

life? to be continued.. maybe..

Pondered |5:27 PM|

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continuation...
i found out Joanna likes Keavin too..
damn it..
now they can be happy together..
misery loves me.. seriously..
i was crying..
dunno why exactly.. but i was..
then, he called..
and asked me what's wrong..
so i told him everything..
as in everything..
from how i think i'm so stupid for falling for him..
to telling him.. "i think i love you"
yup.. totally stupid..
but he was nice enough to tell me it wasn't..
then..
me.. gave toys and food to street children..
coz of my mom..
and i was known for being a sadist..
fyi.. i have a heart too people..
anyway, while doing that..
Joanna sent me a text message:
"he likes you!!"
i was like.. wtf..
i found out she asked him if he likes me..
which he did..
wow..
just wow..
so now.. our fucked up situation is..
i like him.. he likes me.. he likes Joanna.. Joanna likes him..
i know she's my friend.. but.. god, i hate her.. secretly though...
then he told me on the phone.. "parang mas masaya ka kausap"
me? i'm funner to talk to? hah.. score.. jk..
must he keep on leading me on?
i mean.. it's driving me insane..
then..
i had to go to the province..
since it was Christmas and all..
so Joanna had him all to herself the whole weekend..
and i can't help but feel so jealous..
and now that i've come back..
he hasn't even called me..
so.. now.. it's just the two of them..
and i.. deep in the shadows..
ignored by all.. i think..
i dunno..
once again.. we shall see what happens next..
baibai

Pondered |7:21 AM|

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wow.. haven't updated for like one month... anyway.. i was gonna update a few weeks ago.. but.. been busy.. what happened?

Xavier bandfest..
met Karla's relative who studies there..
fell for him..
got distracted..
stopped listening in classes..
didn't study much for the exams..
exams..
start of xmas vacation..
gone insane..
talked to Keavin for hours on the phone..
asked if i really like him since Joanna had to open her big mouth..
was lost of words but eventually managed to say yes..
i asked if he likes Joanna.. (had a feeling)
he said 'maybe'..
then.. 'maybe you too'..
me.. jaw dropped.. wasn't really asking but nice to know..
finds out we have a lot in common..
as in.. we agree on what's 90% of 'everything'..
was told 'love you' a couple of times.. but as a joke..
was lead on.. stupid friends teasing me..
me.. stupid.. you all know that..
happiness..
then Keavin told Joanna he likes her..
then Joanna's boyfriend breaks up with her.. making her available..
Gabe.. that son of a fucking bitch...
my little psycho world comes crashing down..
me.. trying my best not to be a bitch to my friend..
me.. going insane again..
me.. very suicidal at the moment..
me... wondering what's gonna happen next..

to be continued....

'tis the season to be jolly my fucking ass..
kill me.. please.. now..
i know i'm being a fucking drama queen again..
but see if i give a fucking shit..
again.. guys are stupid..
they were sent from hell to make all of our (girls) lives.. well, hell...
first Kenji.. now him?!
damn it, god.. why do you hate me so much?!?

anyway... lookie.. knives! shiny...
wonder what it would look like with crimson liquid all over it...
*bow*

Pondered |12:40 PM|

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