Name: Maria Patricia B. Diaz
Nick: Pat, Trish, Tricia, many more...
DOB: March 8, 1991
Location: Philippines
Status: In a Relationship :]
YM: greencowsgomooo
MSN: kairi_kawaii@hotmail.com
E-mail: KairiKawaii@gmail.com
Day Job: Psychopath on the loose
Loves: Aminals, Music, Guitars, My favorite bands, Food, Italian food, Japanese food, Spicy stuff, Sweets, GREEN & BLACK!, Morbidness, Sarcasm
Hates: Veggies, Pink, Sell-outs, Posers, Flirts, Sluts, Rap, Preps, Government, People beyond stupid, Irony, Bands I hate (Duh! xD), Traitors, list goes on and on and on.. (I'm more of a hater than a lover >=D)
++_++_++Wish List++_++_++
Coming soon.. it will be a long list..
++_++_++Listening to..++_++_++
Code here
++_++_++Previous Thoughts++_++_++
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|NikNoi|
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k.. since i have time to spare from my "not so busy" life.. i'll update you people on my "oh so interesting" life... since my last post, not much has happened... except.. our class just discovered that in last year's Dance Production (if you don't know what this is, read the previous post), we were actually 4th place... so yeah... that means... for a whole friggin year, we believed that our class was 6th place out of 6 classes... which totaly sucks!! it must've been those stupid judges' fault!!! stupid mother fuckers.. excuse my foul language... -.- to make it all short.. i'm so fucking useless.. heck, i can't even get/keep a bf.. i'm not saying guys are everything... but it proves something at least... you have something... well, i don't... i have nothing.. i AM nothing... ergo.. there's nothing to lose if i kill myself... back to band A... my spirit died and my passion for music was long gone... so saturday, tonight... i took a pass on one of our band's biggest gigs... sorry guys... and also... i was gonna sell my guitars and other instruments... my bro, Andrew, knocked my sanity back into place... i'm playing again... =) and now.. the parents are back.. they were out for the week... one was in Australia and one was in Thailand... convensions... shit like that.. and i got new shoes!! hell yeah! no, not girly shoes.. eeww... i got 2 new pairs of Chuck's... yeah.. some say i'm a guy in a chick's body... whatever... -.- this way too long already... bye now!
and... this year.... we are.... -drum rolls- 3rd place! yeah, not that glorious... but we knew we were 3rd place before we knew we were supposed to be 4th place last year... we thought we were 6th place then we got 3rd... so yeah... we thought it was a big improvement... apparently not... -.-
ok, i can't post the pictures i promised right now.. but i will... cross my heart.. hope to die.. stick a needle in my eye... XD
monday to thursday... not much but band practices.... i had 3 bands... 3!! THREE!!! and all were active in one friggin week!! so yeah.. i often came home late... all beat up...
band A= the real one... you know, with humphrey, cj, ica, and all my friends outside school
band B= with my friends in school.. not classmates though... you people know Kimmy and Elvie
band C= classmates.. i wouldn't exactly call friends... i mean.. we ARE.. but not so much and not all of them...
band B was cancelled... kim and elvie had a fight... so yeah.. and we had to turn in a form with all our band info, etc, etc.. but it was too late... submittion of forms ended already...
band C was for the interaction...
THE INTERACTION
since my school was an all girls school, we had to interact with an all boys school.. and for the sophomores... it was Ateneo... the interaction wasn't that bad... and i must admit... a lot (i dodn't say all of them) of Ateneans, look kinda good... yeah.. but not in a "i-can-make-every-girl-drool-over-me" kinda way... anyway... since our band only practiced for 3 friggin times.. and it was a song i was so clueless of.. coz it was by a band i absolutely hate... it was.. by Hale... god, it even hurts to say it... anyway... i was really really nervous... not because of the boys... i belong to a group of friends that are mostly guys... so nah... i was more nervous coz of my own classmates...
i'm the type of person who has no confidence whatsoever in myself... (remind me why i'm pouring my heart out here?) you see, this is why i don't invite anyone to my band's gigs... i'f rather perform to a bunch of people i don't know than to people i know and i'm sure i will see again... you see, if i screw up, the people that don't know me at all wouldn't care and would eventually forget about it and they wouldn't see me again and i wouln't feel even more embarrassed about myself...
and if i don't know anyone in the crowd, i'm not saying i won't be nervous at all, but i would be less nervous compared to if i was infront of people i do know... you guy understand the shit i'm saying? and here's a discription of how i get nervous...
hours before the actual performance: wierd, but i yawn a lot... even if i'm not really sleepy... my hands are a bit shaky... and i easily pissed when you keep on talking to me too much coz i'm way too busy panicking mentally about what if i screw up...
on the performance itself: i'm pale.. i can't breathe normally.. my hands are shaking like crazy.. my hands are cold.. my hands are damp (i'm not gonna say sweaty coz it's not gross or anything..)
yeah.. i have a serious problem about confidence... and my clammy hands don't help either...
yeah.. we played that stupid Hale song.. and i was lead... and i had 2 solo's... and before playing one band member kept on telling me.. "pat, the lead and solo, ok?" translation: "pat, don't screw this up"...wow.. that helped... and you know what? i did screw it up! not the solo's though... fortunately... anyway... that sucked... i sucked... that day.. i was so depressed... you couldn't even paint my face... my thoughts? i was thinking.. "i suck.. i don't deserve to be in a band.. i don't deserve to hold a guitar.. i'll never play the guitar ever again.. i'll sell my guitars.. then i'll drown myself in a pool of poison..." i even remembered my cousin saying i suck with the guitar.. not the exact words but she was hinting on it.. yeah.. my spirit totally died that day... i had nothing...